Date Your Spouse: Parent Edition

“Prioritize date night and spending quality time together.” This is one of the first things any marriage counselor will tell a couple looking to improve their relationship or even a couple that isn’t actively in therapy! Spending quality time together, away from your children if you have them, away from distractions, is one of the top things you can do to strengthen the health of your marriage. Though finding the time can be incredibly difficult with busy schedules for yourselves and your kids, scheduling this time for you and your spouse to just be the two of you, to talk about things other than the practical daily things, and to reconnect, will be an investment you won’t regret. The other obstacle that married couples wanting to get out of the house face is finding childcare. Finding babysitting can be even more difficult if you have a child with special needs or disabilities because not just anyone may be equipped to care for your child. 

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we here at Rockwall Counseling and Wellness want to provide you with valuable resources for childcare options in our area, so that if you and your spouse are planning a special night out, you can check “find babysitter” off your list. Many of the programs we have listed below run on a regular basis, are relatively low cost, and offer a fun option for your kiddos when you leave the house on date night! We have even researched and provided information for respite and childcare for families who have children with special needs! Check out the details of each one below! 

Parents’ Night Out at Jungle Trek in Rockwall

Located off Airport Road here in Rockwall, Jungle Trek is an indoor adventure course for kids ages five and up. The course includes rock walls, a zipline, obstacle courses, a tree walk. Parents’ Night Out is held on the first and third Saturdays of each month.

• Cost: $30 for first child, $25 for additional siblings when pre-registered or $35 and $30 for walk-ins

• Ages: 5+

• Food:  Pizza will be served

• Time: 6:00-9:00 p.m.

• Other important details:  This event may be canceled if a minimum registration is not met, so it might be a good option if you and some friends are planning a group get together for all your kids to attend! 

ASI Gymnastics

ASI Gymnastics in Rockwall hosts regular parents’ night out and will be putting on a special Valentine’s Day Parents’ Night Out Event on Saturday, February 11th. Kids will have activities to rotate through at the gym that are all supervised by gymnasium staff. These events are held monthly and always have different, fun theme for kids to participate in!

• Cost:  $35 for first child and $30 for each additional sibling when pre-registered; $40 for first child and $35 for additional siblings when walk-ins

• Ages:  3-13

• Food:  Pizza will be served and vending machines will be open. Kids are encouraged to bring their own beverage.

• Time:  6:00-10:30

• Other information:  Because ASI has several locations throughout the metroplex, you could even find a gym close to where you and your spouse want to have your date night and register your kids for the event in that area! \

Rockwall YMCA

J.E.R. Chilton YMCA hosts a Parents’ Night Out event once a month which is free to YMCA members. During the month of February, this event will be held on Saturday, February 18th. Activities will be planned for kids based on age!

• Cost:  Free to YMCA members, but must be pre-registered. Registration opens on February 5th.

• Ages:  2-10

• Food:  Pizza will be served for kids attending.

• Time:  5:30-9:00

• Other information:  There is limited capacity on this event, but because it is hosted monthly, you may be able to catch it another time!

Special Friends Program

The Special Friends Program is the special needs ministry at First Baptist Church of Allen. Their ministry offers a once monthly Parents’ Night Out for parents and caregivers of school age children with special needs and disabilities. This ministry is offered free-of-charge to families and provides care for siblings, as well as the disabled or special needs child. For more information on how to participate in this program, families can email the program director Lezah Maitland at lezah.maitland@fbcallen.org.

Wylie Stars

Wylie Stars is a ministry through the United Methodist Church of Wylie that offers respite for families who have adult children with special needs. This is a great resource if you or someone you know has an adult child with disabilities. They meet on the third Friday of every month, and in February, they will have a special Valentine’s Day Dance on Friday, February 17th. 

• Cost:  Free to families after application and medical release forms are completed

• Ages:  18+

• Time:  6:00-9:00 

• Other information:  Volunteers who work with Wylie Stars are background checked and trained to help those with disabilities. Families do need to apply and be accepted into the program, but do not need to be members of UMC Wylie to attend.

Special Needs Parents’ Night Out FBC Forney

First Baptist Church of Forney also offers Parents’ Night Out Events throughout the year. Their ministry also works with the Tim Tebow Foundation to host a Night to Shine event, which is a prom for students with special needs. Their website currently does not have 2023 events listed; however, you can email their director, Kacey Jackson at kjackson@fbcforney.org for more information. 

• Cost: Free to the public

• Ages: 1-17 for children with special needs and childcare for siblings ages 1-12

• Food:  A meal is served for children attending

These are just a few of the places that offer Parents’ Night Out activities. Many gymnastics centers similar to ASI also offer this type of event. Elementary schools will also sometimes host Valentine’s Day events for their students as a fundraiser for the school. Whatever avenue you take, we hope that you’re able to get out of the house and out of your routine with your spouse this Valentine’s Day! Be sure to check back into the blog in a couple of weeks to learn about love languages and how to help your partner feel appreciated. 

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Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing Writer

How Past Trauma Can Impact Your Marriage

Childhood experiences centered around a family dynamic, while different for each individual, shape us all. Some people had what some would call the “picture perfect” childhood where their parents stayed married and they lived in a loving, stable and supportive household. Others of us come from  a “broken home” where our parents divorced due to constant fighting, infidelity, abuse or simply just growing apart. And then we have the people who experienced all kinds of abuse whether it was physical, verbal, or sexual abuse in their childhood whether it was from a family member, friend, significant other or a stranger. For people who went through trauma in their childhood, neglecting the damage this can cause may also impact future relationships, including their marriages. 

I have counseled couples for a while now and a common observation is that when one or both spouses have experienced childhood trauma, they often think that this is not affecting them because it is in the past. However, what some don’t realize is that trauma is like an anchor that holds us down and can be heavy on us. When we don’t get counseling to process through the past trauma, then naturally our brains suppress those painful, traumatic memories. We may just go through the motions day after day while experiencing anxiety, depression, or anger. Then, when we get into relationships or enter into a marriage, that trauma is still right there. We can find ourselves triggered by certain things, and sadly, our significant others are the ones that are caught in the line of fire of our destructive behaviors. 

I can personally say from my own life/marriage that unresolved childhood trauma truly does affect your marriage. I had significant childhood trauma, and my husband had that “picture perfect” childhood I was the person who went day by day avoiding my trauma and “faking it until I made it.” When we got married and started having children, my past trauma was like a spotlight on our marriage. I would lash out at him, have anxiety attacks, push him away, and distance myself  to avoid conflict. My poor husband was so dumbfounded as to why I was acting the way I was. And, honestly, even thought I was in school at the time studying to be a counselor, I had my blinders on and did not want to see that my own trauma was affecting my marriage. The tipping point for me was after my third daughter was born. I was lashing out at everyone because I was so overwhelmed. Our oldest, who was only four at the time, crawled into my lap and said, “Mommy, why are you so mad all the time?” In that moment, it hit me hard. A huge fear of mine was being a “bad mother” after my own child hood experiences. I realized I needed to face my own trauma head on for the sake of my marriage, and the mental health of everyone in my family. My husband and I got into counseling, and I started counseling individually. it was the best thing we ever did! 

You may be wondering what you could expect in this type of counseling or about the positive impact it could have on your marriage. Trauma informed marriage counseling will allow you and your partner to discover your own triggers, respect each others’ and work through conflicts that may arise because of unhealed childhood issues. In light of this, one common question I get from couples is, “What are triggers, and how do I know when I am triggered?” I always explain to couples that everyone’s triggers are different depending on their individual experiences, traumatic or not, and then use these examples to show what triggers may look like:

1. If you have gone through sexual abuse, then certain sexual actions with your spouse, talking about certain sex topics, or even seeing sex or rape scenes on television can be triggering.

2. If your spouse uses a specific tone with you like raising their voice in a fight, it can be triggering, especially if you come from a home where your parents fought constantly and yelled at one another.

If you’re watching a movie and there is a violent scene, it can be triggering if you have been physically abused or you witnessed physical abuse growing up.After a couple has identified some personal triggers that affect their marriage, I ask them to describe what typically happens when they are triggered. Many times they will respond by saying something like, “I get super anxious/worried” or, “I get angry and withdraw.” This then gives us an opportunity to discuss the four trauma responses that most people resort to when triggered. 

1. Fight: anger, irritable, signs of aggression

2. Flight: anxiety, worry, scared

3. Freeze: sadness, shames, dissociates

4. Fawn: avoids conflict, has a hard time saying no, tends to people please.

You likely won’t experience the same trauma response every time you are triggered. It can be different depending on the circumstances, and you may even cycle through two, three, or even all of these responses. When working with a couple, I try to explain the importance of identifying their triggers and knowing when they are entering into a trauma response. This allows them to never project their raw emotions onto their spouse. Additionally, it is important to remember that if both spouses have unresolved trauma, they tend to trigger one another without even realizing they are doing so. Counseling can help couples work through these issues.

If you are engaged, in a resationship where you intend to get married or are already married and have experienced any type of trauma, I strongly suggest you seek individual and couples counseling to help you and your significant other understand your personal trauma. Things like this do not go away on their own. It’s never too late to deal with your trauma and allow your relationships to begin to heal. Everyone deserves happiness you just must want it for yourself.

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Written by: Amy Comer LPC-Associate; Supervised by Perry Collins, LPC-S