Queen Elizabeth II once said, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” If we have loved someone, the result of losing that person is grief. The idea of grief encompasses the range of emotions a person feels when a loss occurs. These can include, but aren’t limited to, sadness, anger, depression, emptiness, denial, shock, or even apathy. Grief is a part of the human experience, and even though the most common cause of grief is the loss of a loved one, any major loss can cause grief - the loss of a career, the loss of your home, the end of a marriage, or even an unexpected diagnosis that changes the path of your life. All of these events can cause feelings of grief, and without working through the loss you’ve experienced, grief can become overwhelming and impact your mental health and your relationships with those around you. If you’ve recently experienced a loss or someone you care for is going through the grieving process, here are some things to keep in mind.
Your feelings of grief are valid. You may feel like you need to “move on” or “toughen up” if you’re struggling after a significant loss, but this is just not true. Pushing aside the negative things you feel will not solve your problem and will only prolong emotional healing.
Although we often hear about the “stages of grief” the grieving process is not linear. If you were to Google “stages of grief,” you would come across articles outlining the following: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Brought forth by psychiatrist Elisabether Kubler-Ross in 1969, these are the widely accepted phases that psychologists use when talking about grief. However, mental health professionals also now agree that grief is not something that happens in a predictable pattern; it affects each person differently. Kubler-Ross herself said in her last book published in 2004 that the stages of grief were, “never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages.” A grieving person may go back and forth between all of these different mindsets as they process their loss. They may never experience denial, or they may initially accept the loss, but after further thought become angry. These emotions can change daily and be triggered by unexpected things. It’s okay if your grief ebbs and flows.
You can move forward from your loss without forgetting the person or idea that you’ve lost. If you have suffered the loss of a child to miscarriage, becoming pregnant again neither negates your loss or means you’ve forgotten that child. The same goes for if you’ve lost a spouse but eventually remarry or lost a pet and eventually get another. The person you’re grieving can remain important to you, regardless of how your life changes after they’re gone.
Your grief is your own, and while it is good to seek counsel from those you trust, no one has a right to tell you how you should feel or how you should grieve. If the way you are processing your emotions is not causing harm to you or others, you don’t need to change how you’re grieving.
Just as with any other mental health situation, grief may also cause physical symptoms such as panic attacks, fatigue, nausea, aches and pains. While these symptoms are normal to experience, if they are interfering with your daily life, you should seek help from a licensed therapist.
Grief can be isolating if you allow it to, but you do not have to feel alone. Often when we go through a loss, it can seem like no one quite understands what we’re experiencing. This feeling can lead to emotional isolation. Finding a trusted person to talk with as you grieve can help you feel connected and heard. This can be where counseling comes into play.
Grief counseling can be a valuable experience for those suffering after a loss. Working with a therapist as you grieve may help you to:
Process any traumatic events related to your loss.
Learn to effectively communicate your emotions and needs.
Gain tools to deal with anxiety related to your grief.
Release any guilt associated with the loss.
Function better in day-to-day life as you adjust to a changed reality.
Handle your grief in a way that is mentally healthy for you, even if it is not what others may expect.
Express your feelings regarding your loss in a tangible way that gives you validation.
Find ways to honor the loss you’ve experienced that bring you joy and validation.
If you or someone you love needs help from a therapist to deal with loss or grief, click the button below to connect with one of our Rockwall or Heath area counselors.
Written by Emily Taylor, Contributing riter